Short on Muscle: 'He-Man: Masters of the Universe' DVD

Adaptations of comic book or cartoon characters are always tricky to get right, and for every success story, such as short-lived Saturday morning TV show “Batman Beyond,” there are numerous disgraces (we’d point to “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” for that disappointing honor). Unfortunately, this 2002 remake of the classic 1980s cartoon about He-Man, Orko, the rest of the Masters of the Universe and our favorite anatomically correct bad-boy, Skeletor, fails to either live up to the original’s charm or appeal to a new audience, as boring storylines, a lack of dialogue and poor storytelling hamper the series (now available on DVD, $18.99 at Amazon) from beginning to end.

The 1983 cult classic’s story is a simple one: Prince Adam of Eternia transforms himself into the muscular, bodybuilder-like He-Man to protect the universe from Skeletor, the big baddie with no flesh at all. Adam keeps his other identity on the down-low, only using it — and the flashy Power Sword — when Skeletor attacks his friends (the Masters of the Universe) or attempts to ambush Castle Grayskull, the stone fortress that possesses the powers Adam uses to transform into He-Man.

Lots of other subplots go down — like Adam’s romantic tension with best friend Teela — that all have some kind of moral or ethical lesson for kids, such as an episode that focuses on a mean hunter who is after Eternia’s last unicorn. No, really.

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Unfortunately, the remake — which lasted two seasons on Cartoon Network from 2002 to 2004 — lacks all of the kitschy camp of the original, and focuses on poorly thought-out twists and overlong action scenes instead of character development or morality lessons. The show attempts to appeal to the series’ original fans (by recycling some of the same subplots) while also gathering new ones (with background about the characters and lots of fighting sequences), and the balance doesn’t work. In trying to do it all, the remake’s creators flounder.

For example, when bad guy Keldor attacks the Hall of Wisdom in the season premiere, why don’t we learn more about what makes him hate Captain Randor so very much? Why does Evil-Lyn betray Skeletor in the “Rise of the Snake Men” episodes — aren’t they supposed to be tight, maybe even romantically involved? And why don’t King Hiss and Skeletor just join forces to take out He-Man once and for all? Wouldn’t that be the logical decision for both of them to get their evil on?

But maybe it’s too much to expect logic from a cartoon aimed at children. Maybe it’s silly to get bored by all the fighting scenes — such as during the episode “The Council of Evil” when there’s a five-minute stretch of angry expressions, grunts and He-Man beating up on a dude with lobster claws — or annoyed that there isn’t more screen time given to interesting characters like Zodak, whose mysterious origins and grudge against King Hiss are far more captivating than He-Man’s goody-two-shoes ramblings.

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However, we don’t think it’s too egregious to expect some more worthwhile special features, since the 12 audio commentaries are incredibly repetitive (how many times do viewers need to hear about how interesting Skeletor’s poses are?) and the interviews from Mattel artists don’t really provide any new insight about the series; instead, it’s just a lot of fan-boys getting together to talk about how much they rely on message boards to get in touch with He-Man enthusiasts. The only really worthwhile feature is the PDF comic book for the unproduced 40th episode, but its different tone — more dark and serious than the show itself — comes off as disjointed and irrelevant.

Perhaps that’s the problem — as adults watching a children’s television show, this isn’t meant for us. And as much as the show’s creators want to tell you otherwise, the show simply isn’t going to appeal to people who have another image of the Masters of the Universe, one in which character development and relationships were more important than watching He-Man punch comets.

In the extra interviews portion of the set, when designer Ruben Martinez says, “My first inclination is to design for a kid, because I want them to have the same joys and fond memories of the product that I did when I was a kid” he gets the “fond memories,” part right. Unfortunately, that’s about all this set has going for it.

Written by Express contributor Roxana Hadadi
Image courtesy Mill Creek Entertainment

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